Hey everybody!!! My wife @jennymollen had these amazing tees made for a really good cause. Go to dictatorapparel.com to buy one unless you’re a horrible person?
Be sure to swipe and see how the No Knock cup from @tommeetippeenorthamerica kicks the A of your standard toddler sippy cup. Sid calls it his “magic cup” and the KID IS NOT WRONG. Go to stopthespill.us (link in bio) and you can enter to win a $2000 gift card from Target. #dadsouttherekillingit#ad#stopthespill#ijustinfluencedyou
With @jennymollen out of town, @dictatorlunches is down until Monday and I’m in charge of feeding Sid. Unfortunately, I was very busy getting ready to host the @wendyshow this morning so this was all I could scrape together before I left the house. Forgot to give him money with this so hopefully he was able to borrow some from his classmates or teachers 🤞 #muthafuckinteets#dadsouttherekillingit#phorealtho
Some people have complained that my lunches for Sid haven’t been “healthy” enough. Can’t say I agree. But this “Green Fart Machine” should silence the critics (if not Sid’s butt). Clockwise from bottom right: broccoli florets, celery stalks, “art” basil, aloe branch, and cucumber “dessert”. #dadsouttherekillingit#health@jennymollen@dictatorlunches#muthafuckinteets
While the lunches I make for Sid are clearly nutritional and delicious, I’ve yet to make them connect to a theme, the way @jennymollen and @dictatorlunches do. Until today. I call this one “The Birds And The Bees.” Clockwise from bottom right: “Unfertilized” hard-boiled egg with salt-n-pepa, “limp” and “dysfunctional” carrot, millions of tiny rice “sperms” trying to get to the egg, Tabasco™️ to help “heat” things up, and a chocolate “aphrodisiac” for dessert.
#dadsouttherekillingit#nevertooyoungtohavethetalk
So @jennymollen is in LA for a few days, which means that @dictatorlunches goes on a brief hiatus while yours truly takes over the #lunch game. Lucky Sid. Clockwise from left: the remainder of his Halloween candy that I forgot I had hidden from him, one shrimp (possibly still alive, hopefully doesn’t like candy). #dadsouttherekillingit#muthafuckinteets#organic
How sweet- Laz did a #throwback 1970’s photo shoot!
I didn’t need any further proof that I married up, but I guess just to really hit the point home @jennymollen did a beautiful cover and hilarious article for this month’s @minimagazine.
I first tried to get sober over 5 years ago, when the weight of my obsession with booze and drugs became too heavy for me to handle. Turns out this shit is hard. After some fits and starts, I’ve managed to put together one year of sobriety. I’m as proud of it as anything in my life. If you’re struggling, know there’s help. Don’t be ashamed. We can do this. 💪🙏
Hi! In NYC this weekend? Looking for a fun live show? Not an assassin hired to shoot me? Come check this out. Gonna be cool AF. Link for tix in bio. Also- who the eff is that guy ☝️? @clubcumming
Hottie alert 🚨 next to me at this coffee shop. Bout to drop some game. Keep ya posted.
The paper towel straggler. Nope. Peak OCD. Must be a clean tear. Now I have to stand on one leg while I count all the silverware again.
SD and Cali peeps! Have you tried this spot @smokeyardsd ?? I used to crush the one in Mammoth and now they have a new location in San Diego, I hit it when I visited the mom-in-law. This isn’t an ad, I just f’in love this place. And want a free burger when I go back. BBQ FTW OMG TFW LOL SOS AAA JFK LSD EOS HMU ETC ETC
#smokeyardsd
SUP
Guess what?? That little sh*t did NOT eat the avocado. He actually threw it away and told me he ate it. Anyway, here’s Sid’s final #daddylunch. Clockwise from top left: organic half avocado (aged 5 days, found in dumpster behind pre-school), and 9 bucks (just go to the bodega and get whatever you want and NEVER LIE TO ME AGAIN, OK SID?!). #toddlerdictator#dadsouttherekillingit#muthafuckinteets
He finally ate the avocado! Ok, for the second-to-last lunch before @jennymollen returns and tries to fill my very big shoes, we have (clockwise from top left):
Lazlo’s expired Amoxicillin (good prep for winter cold season), pickle (kosher, dill), frozen White Castle “Murder Burgers” (partially defrosted), whole lemon (ran out of oranges), and two fruit “candies” (Tums). #dadsouttherekillingit#toddlerdictator
Bringing it hard for hump day! Clockwise from top left: organic half avocado (aged three days), chocolate brownie Questbar (20g protein), olive “face” (pitted medley), premium saltine crackers (sprig of fresh thyme), and Yogi tea bag (Detox Dandelion). #dadsouttherekillingit#toddlerdictator
I swear to god, I said “Jason.” This is what the barista gave me (with a smirk). WTF @jennymollen?!#jadon
Sid’s first “Daddy Lunch” was a HUGE success. He ate everything except for the half avocado. For day two we have (clockwise from top left):
Dry muesli (dry, Swiss), wet nap (wet, Japanese), box of cherry flavored Jell-O (sugar free), organic half avocado from two nights ago, and three Mentos (The Fresh Maker). #dadsouttherekillingit#muthafuckinteets
With @jennymollen out of town this week, Sid’s lunch duty has fallen to yours truly. Turns out she’s not the only parent who can #crush the lunchbox game. From top left: Organic half avocado from last night, whole sweet potato (produce code 94074), pb&j on bagel (two bites removed, the way he likes it), burnt gluten-free cookie, and one @splenda packet. #dadsouttherekillingit#muthafuckinteets
Hey everybody!!! My wife @jennymollen had these amazing tees made for a really good cause. Go to dictatorapparel.com to buy one unless you’re a horrible person?
Be sure to swipe and see how the No Knock cup from @tommeetippeenorthamerica kicks the A of your standard toddler sippy cup. Sid calls it his “magic cup” and the KID IS NOT WRONG. Go to stopthespill.us (link in bio) and you can enter to win a $2000 gift card from Target. #dadsouttherekillingit#ad#stopthespill#ijustinfluencedyou
With @jennymollen out of town, @dictatorlunches is down until Monday and I’m in charge of feeding Sid. Unfortunately, I was very busy getting ready to host the @wendyshow this morning so this was all I could scrape together before I left the house. Forgot to give him money with this so hopefully he was able to borrow some from his classmates or teachers 🤞 #muthafuckinteets#dadsouttherekillingit#phorealtho
Some people have complained that my lunches for Sid haven’t been “healthy” enough. Can’t say I agree. But this “Green Fart Machine” should silence the critics (if not Sid’s butt). Clockwise from bottom right: broccoli florets, celery stalks, “art” basil, aloe branch, and cucumber “dessert”. #dadsouttherekillingit#health@jennymollen@dictatorlunches#muthafuckinteets
Jason Biggs
While the lunches I make for Sid are clearly nutritional and delicious, I’ve yet to make them connect to a theme, the way @jennymollen and @dictatorlunches do. Until today. I call this one “The Birds And The Bees.” Clockwise from bottom right: “Unfertilized” hard-boiled egg with salt-n-pepa, “limp” and “dysfunctional” carrot, millions of tiny rice “sperms” trying to get to the egg, Tabasco™️ to help “heat” things up, and a chocolate “aphrodisiac” for dessert.
#dadsouttherekillingit#nevertooyoungtohavethetalk
Jason Biggs
So @jennymollen is in LA for a few days, which means that @dictatorlunches goes on a brief hiatus while yours truly takes over the #lunch game. Lucky Sid. Clockwise from left: the remainder of his Halloween candy that I forgot I had hidden from him, one shrimp (possibly still alive, hopefully doesn’t like candy). #dadsouttherekillingit#muthafuckinteets#organic
Jason Biggs
How sweet- Laz did a #throwback 1970’s photo shoot!
I didn’t need any further proof that I married up, but I guess just to really hit the point home @jennymollen did a beautiful cover and hilarious article for this month’s @minimagazine.
I first tried to get sober over 5 years ago, when the weight of my obsession with booze and drugs became too heavy for me to handle. Turns out this shit is hard. After some fits and starts, I’ve managed to put together one year of sobriety. I’m as proud of it as anything in my life. If you’re struggling, know there’s help. Don’t be ashamed. We can do this. 💪🙏
Jason Biggs
Hi! In NYC this weekend? Looking for a fun live show? Not an assassin hired to shoot me? Come check this out. Gonna be cool AF. Link for tix in bio. Also- who the eff is that guy ☝️? @clubcumming
Jason Biggs
Hottie alert 🚨 next to me at this coffee shop. Bout to drop some game. Keep ya posted.
Jason Biggs
The paper towel straggler. Nope. Peak OCD. Must be a clean tear. Now I have to stand on one leg while I count all the silverware again.
SD and Cali peeps! Have you tried this spot @smokeyardsd ?? I used to crush the one in Mammoth and now they have a new location in San Diego, I hit it when I visited the mom-in-law. This isn’t an ad, I just f’in love this place. And want a free burger when I go back. BBQ FTW OMG TFW LOL SOS AAA JFK LSD EOS HMU ETC ETC
#smokeyardsd
Jason Biggs
SUP
Jason Biggs
Guess what?? That little sh*t did NOT eat the avocado. He actually threw it away and told me he ate it. Anyway, here’s Sid’s final #daddylunch. Clockwise from top left: organic half avocado (aged 5 days, found in dumpster behind pre-school), and 9 bucks (just go to the bodega and get whatever you want and NEVER LIE TO ME AGAIN, OK SID?!). #toddlerdictator#dadsouttherekillingit#muthafuckinteets
Jason Biggs
He finally ate the avocado! Ok, for the second-to-last lunch before @jennymollen returns and tries to fill my very big shoes, we have (clockwise from top left):
Lazlo’s expired Amoxicillin (good prep for winter cold season), pickle (kosher, dill), frozen White Castle “Murder Burgers” (partially defrosted), whole lemon (ran out of oranges), and two fruit “candies” (Tums). #dadsouttherekillingit#toddlerdictator
Jason Biggs
Bringing it hard for hump day! Clockwise from top left: organic half avocado (aged three days), chocolate brownie Questbar (20g protein), olive “face” (pitted medley), premium saltine crackers (sprig of fresh thyme), and Yogi tea bag (Detox Dandelion). #dadsouttherekillingit#toddlerdictator
Jason Biggs
I swear to god, I said “Jason.” This is what the barista gave me (with a smirk). WTF @jennymollen?!#jadon
Jason Biggs
Sid’s first “Daddy Lunch” was a HUGE success. He ate everything except for the half avocado. For day two we have (clockwise from top left):
Dry muesli (dry, Swiss), wet nap (wet, Japanese), box of cherry flavored Jell-O (sugar free), organic half avocado from two nights ago, and three Mentos (The Fresh Maker). #dadsouttherekillingit#muthafuckinteets
Jason Biggs
With @jennymollen out of town this week, Sid’s lunch duty has fallen to yours truly. Turns out she’s not the only parent who can #crush the lunchbox game. From top left: Organic half avocado from last night, whole sweet potato (produce code 94074), pb&j on bagel (two bites removed, the way he likes it), burnt gluten-free cookie, and one @splenda packet. #dadsouttherekillingit#muthafuckinteets
